Zombie Nation

By Cal Wayne

Released: 2004

Zombie Nation is a zombie horror flick presumably directed by a drunk toddler. With a plot that makes no sense, actors that can't act, and approximately six zombies, Zombie Nation fails in almost every category required to even be considered a legitimate movie. Yes, Zombie Nation is so bad that it passes good and then returns to bad, and, if it were alive, I'd probably kill it.

The plot (if it can even be considered one) is about a police officer who kidnaps women and kills them, and that's about the only structure you will find in this entire movie. The rest is a cluster-fuck I previously thought not to be humanly possible. There's some voodoo magic I don't understand; some dude gets his dick ripped off; and in the end the zombies are somehow all hired as police officers. Oh, yeah, I forgot to mention that literally all of the indoor scenes are filmed inside a warehouse they rented. Now, I know that they were working with a budget that was only enough to buy half of a 1987 Toyota Camry, but that still doesn't quite work as an excuse for this atrocity; it's borderline irresponsible.

I did manage to muster a few chuckles at the sheer ridiculousness of the movie: my favorite quote: Zombies- "if we can't eat humans, then what are we supposed to eat?" Voodoo priest- "what everyone else eats, cheeseburgers!". Yeah, that's an actual quote. The music is pretty ridiculous as well; I mean, really everything about this movie is awful, It's just sooehfjj498tyrhgjergjherg.

In conclusion, watching Zombie Nation is probably the biggest mistake I have ever made. Life is just too short for movies like Zombie Nation. I mean, who has the balls to call a movie Zombie Nation and only have six fucking zombies in the entire fucking movie!? *sigh* I digress; it is what it is. Just please don't watch it; Zombie Nation is, by a wide margin, the worst movie ever made. Ever.

Rating: 0/10

2 comments:

  1. I am ashamed to admit, I own a copy of Zombie Nation. I bought it at a pawn shop, and I am thinking about bringing legal action against the owners of said shop for cruel and unusual punishment. This movie was so bad, I was thinking about shooting my tv, so I wouldn't have to get close to the dvd player to shut it off. I felt as if I was raped, dirty, filthy, but no amount of showers could ever wash away my pain. I tried to gouge out my eyes rather than watch this movie, and this was during the opening credits. The unfortunate part of removing my eyes is that I could still hear it playing. Since my experience with this gigantic turd of a film, I have seen a dozen therapists, and a neurosurgeon to find out why I now have a nervous tick and why I can't walk into a furniture warehouse without screaming in terror and vomiting. I have tried to give this movie away like the tape from the Ring movie, but everyone took their chances with the ghost girl killing them through their televisions. I am cursed now, never to know again the life that I once knew.

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  2. I have seen this movie, and agree with everything written above.

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